This Post Might Make You Hate Me

Listen. I'm not here to pick a fight or start some kind of political forum, but I just wanted to let this article speak for me. Here's one thing about me that you should know, but if you don't here it is:

I don't like Taylor Swift.

'But Traci, you seem like the type of person who would love Taylor Swift.' Yes. Yes I am. But I don't. And I'm not. Main reason: I don't think she sings well live. Or even sings on key. Yes, she does have some catchy tunes that I find myself singing along to, but I still don't approve of her and her songs about boys that have wronged her. Here's an article that explains the other reasons why I think all the hype surrounding her needs to stop.

Apropos of nothing, can I unsubscribe to Taylor Swift? Is that possible? I'd really like it to be possible.

I don't quite know how I ended up with all this Taylor Swift in my life. FACT: Eighty-five percent of all advertisements and magazine covers are now mandated by law to feature Taylor Swift, or at least some portion of her hair crimping. Anytime there's an award show or special live presentation or a Kia dealership grand opening, you can pretty much count on Swift showing up with her guitar and undermining the days and days of effort that Autotune put into creating one of her albums. Fuck, even Collinsworth spent last week's Sunday Night game gushing about her. I can't get away from this bitch. I even know she dates Jake Gyllenhaal. AND OMG BEEFY NECK GUY FROM TWILIGHT TOTALLY BROKE HER HEART!

I don't understand all the fuss. Taylor Swift makes training bra music. Her shit is one step removed from a Fisher Price Little People CD. Every record she sells should come with a complimentary pack of Spree. If you're over fourteen, you shouldn't want anything to do with it. But no, every fucking adult music critic on Earth fawns over this girl and protects her like she's some kind of goddamn forest pixie. SHE'S SO MATURE FOR AGE! SHE HANDLED THAT KANYE SITUATION SO WELL! SHE'S SO ARTICULATE! No, seriously. someone wrote that.

"Swift's thoughtful honesty and surprisingly articulate take on life should be commended."

What is this, a fucking report card? HOORAY! SHE'S ALMOST 21 AND HAS THE ABILITY TO SPEAK! And since when is this chick honest? Have you heard some of these lyrics?

"But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time"

First of all, is there anything honest about that? This woman is a fucking ROCK STAR and a millionaire. She's, like, ninety stages above the cheer captain. Cheer captains are fucking special ed students compared to her. And she never wears fucking t-shirts. She wears $10,000 Halston gowns and all kinds of other sparkly shit. Some producer in Nashville probably made her write this so that fat Jenny in the seventh grade out there would have music that "speaks to her". And there's nothing mature about this shit. It's the soundtrack to a trip to Spencer Gifts. Anyone could write that. I could write that.

"It's late at night and he's sendin' you a text
But you just bought your first box of Kotex
He doesn't know you're a bloody mess
But if he saw your crotch, he could probably guess…"

It's not that hard, okay? This fucking Kanye thing has made everyone treat Swift like she's some precious doll they bought at the Franklin Mint. Meanwhile, Justin Bieber and his fans get made fun of (rightfully so) by fucking EVERYONE. And Bieber actually IS a kid! He's not even voting age, the way this woman is. But somehow you're an asshole if you hate Taylor Swift? That's bullshit. BULLSHIT. Just because she's the official spank bank material for every white asshole on the Texas Rangers roster doesn't mean I have to give a crap.

People, I am here to grant you permission to hate Taylor Swift at will. You can go right ahead and laugh at her horrible singing and hope she ends up blowing local Tennessee DJs in lieu of record company payola handouts. Go ahead. Don't feel bad. She's a big girl. She can handle it. She'll probably even be able to make a really shitty album out of it.

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My Customer Service Motto

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'People Are Particularly Stupid Today'

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Long Overdue

Everyone complains about waddling gangs of tourists blocking the sidewalks of this fair city, but nobody ever does anything about it (beyond unleashing the occasional barnyard noise or cane swipe). Until NOW. As you can see from this photo, taken at 22nd Street and Fifth Avenue, some disgruntled local pedestrian has taken bold action to separate those of us taking care of business in this town from those who just come to marvel, slack-jawed and staggering, at our panicked, bug-eyed dynamism. Now we just need a lane for strollers and people who text while walking, and we'll be all set. [Via The Awl]

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Siq Burn

You know it's bad when the KKK doesn't even like you.



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I'm Not Surprised

Clearly, some of these people have already lost their sanity...

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Get 'Er Done

This is ... everything that's wrong with this country (yes, this is actually legit).

Interesting Statistics From a Survey of Republicans in the United States

1. 39% think Obama should be impeached (for what, exactly, is unclear).

2. Only 42% believe Obama was born in the United States. 36% believe he was not born in the U.S., and 22 percent are unsure.

3. 63% believe Obama is a Socialist. 22% are unsure.

4. About a quarter believe that Obama wants the terrorists to win. 33% are unsure of whether or not he wants a terrorist victory.

5. 55% believe that Sarah Palin is more qualified to be president than Barack Obama. 33% are unsure. Only 14% believe that Palin is not more qualified than Obama. The survey did not ask participants if they understand the definition of “qualified.”

6. 2/3rds of Republicans either believe that Obama is a racist who hates white people, or aren’t sure if Obama is a racist who hates white people.

7. A third of Southern Republicans would like their state to secede from the Union. Which, hey, is better than conservative Southerners 150 years ago, so here’s to progress.

8. Only 7 percent of Republicans believe that Congress should make it easier for for workers to form or join labor unions. Nearly 70% do not believe that Congress should make it easier.

9. If illegal immigrants agreed to pay a fine and learn English, 25% of Republicans think it would be ok to let them stay in the United States.

10. More than half of Republicans do not believe that openly gay men and women should be allowed to serve in the military.

11. Only 7 percent of Republicans believe that same-sex couples should have the right to marry. Only 11 percent believe that same-sex couples should receive state or federal benefits — belying the idea that this is just about the “institution of marriage.”

12. Shockingly, even to me, only 8 percent of Republicans believe that gay men and women should be allowed to teach in public schools. 19% are not sure; 73% believe that gay men and women should not be allowed to teach.

13. In better news, 42% of Republicans think that sex ed should be taught in schools.

14. In less-good news, apparently most Republicans didn’t get decent sex ed, because 34% of them think the birth control pill is abortion, and 18% of them aren’t sure.

15. Apparently science is also lacking, because a large majority — 77% — of Republicans believe that public school students should be taught that the book of Genesis in the Bible explains how God created the world.

16. Back to good news: Feminism has infected even Republicans! 76% of them believe that marriage is an equal partnership between men and women, and 86% of them believe that a woman should work outside the home.

17. Back to bad news: A solid 31% of Republicans think that contraceptives should be outlawed. As noted above, 34% think the birth control pill is abortion; 76% think abortion is murder. I think it’s probably safe to say that most of that 34% also believe that abortion is murder. Does follow, then, that somewhere around 1/3 of Republicans think you have committed murder for being on the pill? How much time, do you think, should the more than 80% of American women who use hormonal contraception spend in jail for murder? And is flushing a tampon destroying evidence?

18. The one thing that the largest majority of Republicans agree on? Killing people! 91% support the death penalty, and only 4% oppose it. That’s a more significant margin of approval than the 67% who believe that Jesus Christ is the only way for an individual to go to Heaven.

Conclusion: America needs to invest significantly more in its educational system. And if only there was a way to teach children empathy.

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Going Rogue aka Racist

While at home in Rochester over Christmas, I happened to be looking for something in my parents' room and I saw, next to my mom's side of the bed, the following book:

My AW HELL NO reaction:

For the rest of the day, I could not get over the fact my mother was reading this book. I mean, to be honest, my parents have the Fox News Channel on all the time, and I think last year, my mom wanted Glenn Beck's book for Christmas, but I like to ignore the fact they're probably Republicans so I'll actually like them.

I nonchalantly asked my mom
"so what are you reading?"
republican mother: "what?"
liberal daughter: "the book that's by your bed?"
rm: "oh sarah's book?" ld: "...yes. sarah's book."
rm: "why? is that ok?"
ld: [thinking ABSOLUTELY IT'S NOT OK] "umm i was just wondering what you were reading. ...interesting."

"sarah's book"??? REALLY? you guys on a first name basis now? do you do aerial moose hunting together on the weekends? that's great. juuust great.

In telling this great little anecdote, I found this article whose headline was "asians scared sarah palin away from hawaii" First of all, HAHAHAHA. Second of all, this is an excerpt from the article in the New Yorker which explains said headline:

Palin, though notoriously ill-traveled outside the United States, did journey far to the first of the four colleges she attended, in Hawaii. She and a friend who went with her lasted only one semester. "Hawaii was a little too perfect," Palin writes. "Perpetual sunshine isn't necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls." Perhaps not. But Palin's father, Chuck Heath, gave a different account to Conroy and Walshe. According to him, the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made her uncomfortable: "They were a minority type thing and it wasn't glamorous, so she came home." In any case, Palin reports that she much preferred her last stop, the University of Idaho, "because it was much like Alaska yet still 'Outside.'"

I'm actually not that surprised by this, and it certainly doesn't change that fact that I think she's an embarrassment to this country. But I mean, welcome to America, Sarah Palin. Does Alaska not have any minorities at all? Don't Eskimos still live up there? Hey McCain/Palin loyalists: you wanted THIS GIRL to be the vice president of this country.

I'm pretty sure my mom hasn't read this article. But I have a feeling she probably won't believe it because she'll ask 'Sarah' about it on their next book club meeting and she will deny all of it and make up words to completely deviate from the fact that she hates my people.

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Move Over J Lo, Puerto Rico Has A New Queen

For you avid IAYN readers, you may recall my last AI post on Bikini Girl. I am sorry to disappoint you, but unfortunately she did not make the Top 36. What will she do now?

I don't care. My focus is on THIS GIRL:


Meet Tatiana Nicole DelToro, a Top 36 contestant from Puerto Rico. From the moment she auditioned, everyone knew she was going to be quite the character. Wearing a snake print dress with uneven taffeta layers at the bottom, and bringing her own 'press kit dvd and photos' to give to the judges, this actress/singer/musician/songwriter/writer/assistant director/model/film actor was going to make her mark, whether she could sing or not.

As annoying and over the top as this girl may be, she's a better singer than at least 54% of the people who auditioned, so there's a start. Plus she is VERY entertaining and doesn't give up if the judges are hesitant about not bringing her through Hollywood (clearly based on the fact she sang 3 songs, 2 of which they didn't ask her to sing). I think the "giddyness" at the end when she is celebrating her golden ticket is what sealed the crazy deal for me.

Come Hollywood Week, she still showed her obnoxious excitement every time her group made it to the next round. But she will always be remembered in American Idol history for her extravagant exit when she discovered she would be making it into the Top 36.



[Bonus Vid: Here is fellow Top 36 contender Nathaniel reacting to her joy of making it. Full of win.]

This past week, she seemed to tone down the cray cray a little during her rendition of Whitney's "Saving All My Love For You" ... that is until the end when she made a dramatic face signifying the end of her heart wrenching song ... and ultimately the end of her time on AI.

Only 3 out of the first 12 who performed this week would advance to the Top 12, and only one spot was left. It was down to 'Assistant Director' Tatiana, and already fan favorite Danny Gokey. The anticipation was mounting for Tati, and it seemed as if she couldn't handle it. Ryan, after putting it off for the past 55 minutes, finally said Danny would be in the Top 12, and Tatiana did not give a fuck for anyone but herself at that moment. She looked like she just found out her dog died. And the worst/best part about it was that none of the other contestants seemed to be truly sad for her to be leaving.

All I'm saying is that she has Sanjaya potential, except she can actually sing. So I say, bring her back for the Wildcard round, and keep her around until only the really talented singers are left. Then kick her off, America. I'm sure by then we'll get our fill of fierce looks into the camera, unnecessary dramatic gestures, and awkward moments between her and Seacrest. But please whatever happens, just don't bring back Bikini Girl.

Bonus Vid #2: Muppetized

PS: Youtube can thank me later for giving them so much traffic with this post

Feel Free to Fall Into My Fist

In the Metro this week, there was a short article about the blog People Who Deserve It and listed the top 5 people according to its readers who deserve a punch in the face.

This blog has got me thinking, what other kind of people make me want to punch them in the face? Here a few that I personally believe deserve it (in no particular order).

1) Greenpeace Clipboard Holders
Don't get me wrong, I want to 'save the children,' and i'm totally for equal rights, but i don't ACTUALLY 'have a minute to save the environment.' Anytime I see one from far away, I try to walk in a different direction just so I don't get harassed by them. I mean more props to them for standing outside and getting rejected all day, but I have places to go, people to see. One time I was on the way to work and some guy (couldn't even tell you which charity he was a part of) was like "Would you like to take some time to save the dying koala bears of northern Ireland?" and I said "Sorry I'm late for work!" and kept walking. His response was "Come on, it'll just take a minute, you're late anyways!" I didn't stop.


2) Tall Guy at Concert
As a short person, I have to admit, that most people are taller than me anyways. I just find this frustrating when it's a general admission concert and there are many a fan in front of me who I can barely even peer over. This happened to me at a concert when a really weird, creepy, unkempt in his mid 40s guy - by himself - was standing in front of me at a concert. I wanted to push him over. Did I mention this was at a Backstreet Boys concert?


3) The people who sit directly in front of you in an otherwise empty movie theater
You know when you're just sitting there before the movie starts, feet up, relaxed, eating your popcorn and candy bought from CVS, attempting to answer the movie trivia questions, when there's a minute of so before the trailers begin, and you think this is great. this is going to be a good movie. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this couple decides to sit directly in front of you, making you put your feet down from the relaxed position... THERE ARE 200 MORE SEATS IN THIS THEATER AND YOU PICK THE ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?!?!


4) Cell Phone Ring Avoider
This particular person was brought to my attention at work last month. I was working with Devin and another fellow co-worker, Judy (who I should probably write about at some point in this blog, because she is THAT interesting) when all of a sudden one of those annoying 'Tone 6 programmed in your phone' ringtone went off. Judy was with a customer, so she didn't hear it at first, but Devin and I looked at each other and then started looking around for someone who was going to answer their phone. A few people looked at their phones, and realized it wasn't theirs, yet the phone was still going off. It finally stopped. Devin nd I discerned it was a customer who was standing right by us. Her husband said "i think that's your phone." She responded by saying "Yeah, I know." She ignored it, without putting it on silent. Then it started ringing again, this time Judy does hear it and says rather loudly "WHOSE PHONE IS THAT??" Devin and I turn around to stop from laughing, and the woman goes "It's mine," and continues to keep shopping without putting it on silent!! Please note readers, DO NOT BECOME THIS WOMAN. EVER.

5) Tweens/Teens who think they're too cool for school
I've noticed this becoming a growing epidemic ever since I've graduated college. It's probably because I'm old now, but tweens these days are not like they used to be. Por ejemplo, I was on the T, again with Devin, and a group of about 7 or 8 teens got on and were clearly not in the right mind. A few of them were stumbling and making ridiculous statements. We just sat th ere in silence just so we could hear what they were saying. Here are a few highlights from their conversation:

"I need to write in my journal because it's going to be legendary"
"What does cliche mean?"
"She can suck all of our dicks." - said by girl. not all of them were guys, either.
"Sorry my mom doesn't give me money because I dropped out of high school"
"Guys, I'm so embarrassing! Everyone just saw my batman underwear. And if they didn't, they just heard about itWHATUP." tall, skinny jean-ed, overly flamboyant boy (who later fell on Devin)


Finally, the quote that sums up our T ride/their evening:
"Guys ... there's a 50% chance I'm going to vomit. Just putting it out there..."


And you know what I'm just putting out there, inebriated 15 year old girl? My fist for you to fall into next time I see you on the T disrupting my Metro crossword puzzle time.

TYVM.