Cult.

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Construction is the Least of Your Problems

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This Actually Happened

I originally found this gem via Jesse Tyler Ferguson's (you may know him as Mitchell on Modern Family) twitter, where he said "@jessetyler Ok. This is one of the funniest chestnuts I have found on the world wide web." He's a funny guy, so why not? I am so glad I clicked on that link. If you watch one thing on my blog, make it this video.

Things I find amusing, hilarious, and nonsensical in this video include (but are not limited to):

A) The freeze frame on YouTube with the poor kid covering his face & the title "Help me! I've glued a hat to my head"

B) the intro song at the beginning, 'evacuate the dance floor' in which the only context i have is the dance central game for the kinect.
C) the slow movement to this screen shot

D) His boyfriend thinking how he got himself into this relationship

E) the doctor taking this really seriously

E. 1) aside: a similar incident happened on grey's anatomy, except it was 2 stupid teenagers who glued their hands together. the solution was warm water with soap and a little acetone. they should have consulted dr. bailey for this.

F) the random mention of 'barbra streisand' at 1:35

G) the bf taking a pic of his idiot boyfriend soaking his head in a tub of soap & sending it to his mom

H) i just love how nice this kid is after the doctor telling him he can only cut the top of the hat off, and leaving the rim...he knows he made a stupid decision and is already making light of it.

I) the doctor's sketch in his chart

J) 'i just really don't want to lose my hair'

I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIMMMMM

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Geography Lessons From Fox News

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Whoops.

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Not Quite the Same Effect

Real people. Real Tattoos. Real douches. They do realize their 'designer' bodies don't have any more monetary value than before they got these ridiculous tatts, right?



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This Isn't a Game

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Well, This is Disturbing.

In 2003, Florian Jenett and Valentin Beinroth placed about 50 handgun replicas in downtown Frankfurt. The guns were made from tinted ice, making them look real at first sight.
In 2009 they did a new edition of their Freeze! project but made the guns eatable edible by using coke, licorice, cherry and food coloring.




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Good Trade!

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Headline Fail

Yet still so much is still wrong with this...

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Learn From My Fail

Note to all lifeguards; Correct: "Mrs. Black would like to see her children, poolside!" Incorrect: "Could the Black kids please get out of the pool now!"

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Siq Burn

You know it's bad when the KKK doesn't even like you.



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Fashion Faux Pas

A couple of weeks ago, designer Jean Paul Gaultier had a 'boxing-inspired men's fashion show' in which all the models were made up to appear 'battered and bloody.' Jean Paul wasn't below going with the theme himself, although he should have thought about his appearance before agreeing to take this picture with Mr. Chris Brown himself. Or better yet, maybe Chris Brown shouldn't be a guy who beats up women.

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Failblog.gov

This could not be any more FAIL.

PS: If you haven't see the Lifetime Original Movie "The Pregnancy Pact" yet, DO IT.

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First Rule of Fight Club:

1) You do not talk about fight club

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML.

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Customer Fail

"Notalwaysright.com"

New favorite site, and should be yours if you have ever worked in customer service!

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

CALL CENTER | CHATSWORTH, CA, USA

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

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I'd like to bring it back to the heart of this blog, the AZN. You all may know well that I embrace my Asianess, and comment about it on a daily basis. So whenever the opportunity to poke fun of my fellow people arises, I usually am the first one to bring it up. This is no different. Here's a pic I found on Google Reader today. Enjoy.

"Asian Camera Doesn't Understand Asian Eyes"

"1,2,3 SWINE FLU!"

In 2003, when I was a Junior in high school, the SARS epidemic was becoming a worldwide health concern. Luckily for me, most of the people who had contracted SARS were Asian, mainly from China and its surrounding countries. Now, I just realized that my old comedic fall back "It's because I'm Asian" has been a long running joke since 2003, but it still hasn't gotten old 6 years later. But because most people who had SARS were Asian, my friends and I took it upon ourselves to make light of the situation, and use my Asian-ness as a point of reference anytime any one sneezed, or coughed, I would be to blame for the SARS. I believe even during my Junior Prom, we posed for pictures by saying "SARS," instead of "CHEESE." And get ready for it, I'm inserting one of those pictures now, for nostalgic purposes:


That being said, 6 years later we find ourselves in the midst of a Swine Flu pandemic. Instead of Asia, the outbreak originated in Mexico, so that leaves me out of the picture. Yet, somehow, we can all find some humor in this. Mainly because I think it's completely necessary with all the attention it's getting. Yes, I understand it's a serious matter, and that people have died from it, but for the most part, the Swine *sorry, i mean H1N1* (still calling it Swine Flu) Flu cases at least found in the US have been mild and contained. I think what pushed it over the edge and had people freaking out was the intensity of the media coverage every single day. They got into people's minds making them think that anyone who even sneezed in a public place could have the Swine Flu. Prime example: (and as much of a good guy that he is) let's be honest, Joe Biden, let's read our morning memos, shall we? But, people make mistakes.

Now that the Swine Flu is contained for now and the media has toned it down a bit, let's focus on the real stuff. Please see pie chart number 1:



Or you know, switch out Malaria with AIDS, or something. Same idea. Now on to the correlation between information and reaction of the public:



As you can see, the "We're all going to die" reaches a peak if the general public watched the news. Clearly another effect the media has on its readers.

Lastly, I'd like to sum up this Swine Flu post with the following cartoon. Maybe I'll change my stance on this subject. I mean, if Winnie the Pooh thinks so, I should probably agree with him, right?

They Stole My Idea For My Blog Title

Besides my blog and ONTD, the following site may be my 3rd favorite blog ever. Definitely in the Top 5. Welcome to FML, a blog which is created entirely by user submissions and the trials and tribulations they deal with everyday. BTW, FML is an acronym for "Fuck My Life," which for the record is an acronym that I had started using quite a while ago (because my life is just THAT awesome). Basically, users can post anonymously (or under a screen name), stating a reason and or situation as to why their life is horrible. In addition, other members can either agree that your life is fucked, or they can disagree, saying you deserved it.

Here are a few examples:

Today, I didn't answer my cell phone. My Mom freaked out when she could not get in touch. She called the police and I did not hear the doorbell because I was sleeping. The police broke my door down. FML - 01/26/2009 at 7:12pm by Mudfence - I agree, your life is f***ed (595) - you deserved that one (24)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML 01/26/2009 at 9:38am by smoker - I agree, your life is f***ed (97) - you deserved that one (330)

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML 01/25/2009 at 9:47am by ohfantastic - I agree, your life is f***ed (494) - you deserved that one (27)

http://www.fmylife.com

So the next time you're having a bad day, just read this blog and tell yourself the motto I like to say to myself, "Things could be worse."

An Ode to President Bush

Thank you Mr. President. You've provided us with 8 years of laughter and tears. We will never be the same without you.

[Disclaimer: This video may or may not contain pictures of puppies and Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You" playing in the background]



Bonus Video: Bye Bye Bush Bloopers